I am Jack's Smirking Revenge

little, yappy dogs

Sunday, January 29, 2006

The Girl-Parts Gearshift

Yep. It's bad.

So, I often hear people say they don't want children. I don't myself, but I know deep inside there is a possibility... the possibility that I will fall, hit my head, and a.) become a republican, b.) become a born-again [insert radical life change here], or c.) suddenly decide I want to have kids.

Anyway. When it comes to my own personal relationships, I take this stance-

Any woman who is under 30 or so must make it to 34, and if then they can still claim they do not want kids, I will believe them.

Us men, well, it doesn't take much to explain our motivation. Deep down in the animal mechanics of hungry-eat, tired-sleep, bored-play, there lies: eternally horny-procreate as much as possible. The how and why of each person's spin on these motivators is what keeps the world interesting.

Women, however, their parts don't work like that at all.

Let's pause a moment.

You've been out drinking, and, in fact, you've had too much. You get quite horribly sick and now, the next day, you swear you don't care if you ever drink again. But later, at some point, you're thinking a margarita with that enchilada sounds pretty good.

Or maybe you're up watching videos, eating chocolate ice cream right out of the container. Oh, naughty. You're quite miserably ill from your favorite ice cream, and swear you never want to see ice cream, chocolate, or any combination thereof again. And then one day you have a craving, and there's no changing your mind that you want some.

Your body can override your brain. It does so on a regular basis, those examples are just extreme ones that most people are familiar with.

Now, if you think you don't want kids, well, my theory is that somewhere between 30 and 34, this is when the Girl Parts switch gears- if they're ever going to, that is- and change your mind about wanting kids. The same not wanting to drink or eat ice cream will magically be lifted away and the candy-like lure of making babies will be there, pulling you in like Disney's "Black Hole". (they were saved from the black hole in the movie... please rent and reference this in case of any sudden urge to procreate.)


At April 14, 2006 10:25 PM, Blogger Everdusk said...

Well, I'd say that the years really hit all the way up to about 36.

The primal procreation wonder to all of this is that even if said woman doesn't want children and is 100% sure of it they still tend to really enjoy sex a lot during those years.

And that's a nice, nice thing

At April 15, 2006 11:25 AM, Blogger Will Von Wizzlepig said...

I think a lot of the enjoyment- or rather, the sudden open and expressive enjoyment of sex for women 30-40 years old is that many of them finally shake off all the bullshit they've been taught about how women are supposed to act, they stop worrying about what other people thing, and finally just get down to enjoying themselves.

And I agree, that's a nice, nice thing.


Also, I am quite fond of huge, run-on sentences.


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